What is it?

I decided to stay at home instead of going to work for 3 days when Karu is gone India - hmm, not without feeling guilty. But I really enjoyed it. I also realized I would not want to do it everyday. Once in a while, a break is good. On one hand, I do not want the lifestyle of going to work everyday. On the other hand, I crave for crazy deadlines and feeling mentally exhausted from work. What is it that I want? Why this inertia to do stuff? I do like my job. I love it when I meet some deadline or fix a bug. But why doesn't it setup a positive feedback loop to do more. This is a total contradiction to human existence. We must do what makes me happy. The kind of crap I do, when I am not working is office not even close to how exciting my work is. I need to figure this out. I understand, end of the day, I want to keep my hands full, balancing both work and family. One without the other may not keep me occupied enough to be happy. How many ever times, I say out, I still don't know what causes this inertia. I hope to figure this out.