Blink

You are happy one minute and don't feel so good the next minute. Now will your world fall apart after you don't feel so good depends on a lot of things. Makes you wonder, what you work for all you life? What relationship did you build all these years? Are people meant to be rational? Does offering a rational solution to ALL the problems really solve the problems? Or does it trivialize the problems? Do people really want to solve their problems? Or maybe they want to have some moderate amount of problems to keep the mind occupied? Can all the problems be outsourced or can money be thrown at it? Well, for the most part yes. But then there is core that people need to believe in; trust in that someone is going to stand by you, irrespective of how irrational you are. Not for long - maybe a couple of days once in three months. People who want to hear you blabbering about your irrational worries and problems in life - not because it will take longer to solve 3 days from now - but because they really want to relate to you. Do you want let someone affect you like that? Do you want let someone bother you by not coming home on time, by not remembering something thats important to you? Or do you always want to protect yourself from everyone - isn;t that easier? No expectations - whatesoever - but is it worth it? What does it feel like to come home to an empty house and cook alone and watch TV alone and go to bed alone? Is it all worth it? Why not let that person come closer a little bit - let them affect you a little bit - let that one tear off for them? Why not?

"Open issues" - my friend calls it1 i am in Marital Bliss.

What is it?

I decided to stay at home instead of going to work for 3 days when Karu is gone India - hmm, not without feeling guilty. But I really enjoyed it. I also realized I would not want to do it everyday. Once in a while, a break is good. On one hand, I do not want the lifestyle of going to work everyday. On the other hand, I crave for crazy deadlines and feeling mentally exhausted from work. What is it that I want? Why this inertia to do stuff? I do like my job. I love it when I meet some deadline or fix a bug. But why doesn't it setup a positive feedback loop to do more. This is a total contradiction to human existence. We must do what makes me happy. The kind of crap I do, when I am not working is office not even close to how exciting my work is. I need to figure this out. I understand, end of the day, I want to keep my hands full, balancing both work and family. One without the other may not keep me occupied enough to be happy. How many ever times, I say out, I still don't know what causes this inertia. I hope to figure this out.

Spring is in the air

Oh its sooo - yes nice is the word I am looking for - not exactly beautiful. Its raining. But still the refreshing chill air - the bitter cold is behind us. Now I understand why Spring is so special. It lifts the spirit. I have to admit, after living in places with just Summer for all 12 months, I am beginning to like to seasons :) Well, it adds more drama to life - it makes you to feel stuck at home, it makes u feel gloomy and it also makes you feel so happy, like today.

Yesterday, my piano instructor taught me Major C scale and melodies set in C major scale. She said I should play with it and make my own melodies :D I got really excited. when I got home, I played and played still Karu begged me to stop :)

Now I am listening to old Tamil songs - simple songs set in C major scales. Illiayaraja can really do some magic with just the C scale - yes just the white keys - no complications and the music flows. My favourite is "Germmanyin senthemagala" Its so peppy!

Pulli Kolam

I was looking for pulli kolam patterns when I came across this website. Traditional and unconventional kolams:
http://kolangal.kamalascorner.com/
label: Sillu Kolam

I tried reproducing it on the rough paper I was scribbling my assembly code on. It tingled my mind - just like the assemble code :)

The satisfaction of joining that last incomplete line waiting to be completed encompassing all the dots- and become the full circle of life. Ahhhh - wonderful!

With a couple of kolams, I started seeing the patterns and it became easier. How I wish I can understand the math behind it and come up with my own patterns.

Book of Eli

Well I am going to spoil it for you. If you are planning to watch this movie, dont read this post. But believe me you wont miss a thing - maybe save 10 bucks on the ticket. Whatever - I have to share this coz its too funny.

Post-apocalypse. Our hero Eli is traveling alone. He meets a lot of enemies - fights them, kills them - lot of dishum dishum. Character establishment - strong hero. Our villain Carnegie is looking for a "book" and he hires gangs to find this book. It turns out this book he wants is bible. He finds out that Eli has this book because he hears Eli pray. He tries to seduce Eli with his daughter, fight him with his gang. Everything fails and he finally stabs Eli himself and acquires the bible after a 30-minute drama and action. Our guy Eli, fatally wounded escapes to Alcatraz! Here he dictates bible from his memory for people at Alcatraz to write it down and print it. Then he dies.

Now for the laughs I promised: Carnegie goes home after all the fight and opens his beloved bible. And its in BRAILLE!!! Apparently ELI is blind all along!! Shhhh.... SUSPENSE!

Vinnaithandi Varuvaaya

For once Simbhu and Trisha look good and peppy and I want to watch this Tam Chickflick. I hope its not as bad as Laysa Laysa. The crew has done a good job advertising the movie - the posters look great, inspired and "copied" from popular movies like alaipayuthey, dil se, kakka kakka etc.

As for the music, ARR has done a good job. The music is very different. They do not stand up nor will you remember it once the player stops playing. But something mesmerizing about it and something that makes me happy and want to keep listening.

The lyrics are bad - feels like the lyricist did not know how to write words for the different music layout. The words don't flow with the music. The words don't feel the music. Its just there. And the singers just read it out. Maybe we have to ape west - well, thats where the music came from ;-) Write the lyrics before you make the music. I also felt we need more diversity with the male singer - it doesn't go with the spirit of the music. We have Chinmayi, Shreya Ghoshal, Andrea, Bombay Jayasree - but all the male voices sound the same, okay maybe a little different. Having said all this, I just want to keep listening to the songs.

I read very mixed reviews, esp people complaining, this is too much Hollywood influence etc. Blah blah blah you people. Here is what ARR has to say about it: "It is an experimental attempt - Songs are not set in Charanam or Pallavi." - maybe that is why I you could never remember the tunes, like grammatically incorrect sentences - but still mesmerizing :)

It reminds me for the dialogue Surya says before the song "Mundhinam Parthene" from Vaaranam Ayiram. I have listened to this song more than 100 times but I could never repeat what he says. Because it is so very grammatically incorrect - but very romantic ;-) Here is what he says:
naan idha solliye aaganum..
nee avlavu azhagu..
Inga evanum ivlo azhaga oru…
Ivlo azhaga paarthurka maattaanga…and I am in love with you…



Karu says: "This is the dead knell for Tam music.". I understand the urge for change and experimenting with western music - but I wish we come up with our own fusion and not just adopt western music.

Oahu

We spent the last day of our vacation at Oahu. We had around 16 hours. And it is the right amount of time to spend in Oahu ;-)

Oahu is very different from Maui and Kauai. It is very developed - I have never seen 8 lane roads - not even in main land. The traffic was terrible. The place was concrret-y like the rest of the US. You hardly feel you are in Hawaii.

On the positive side, there was a lot of good eats and beaches. You can drive to any corner of the island. We went to the flea market. It was quite a sight. For people from Chennai, it was like Burma bazzar and Ranganathan street put together. I was so glad, I did not buy anything in the other islands coz things were so cheap at the flea market. I bought a Hawaiian dress for $8 - a dress for $8 - can you believe that. I got a beautiful sarong for $5. And shell necklaces were 12 for $7. T-shirts were $3 each. Of course, everything is made in China.

We then drove to the north shore to a beach called Sunset beach. True to its name, the sunset for beautiful. The ocean was very rough and the winds were strong. I have never seen such rough waters - and I have lived next to ocean for 21 years. The waves were well above 30 feet. The waves were hitting each other from all directions that it looked like the was boiling. The only other time, I felt so scared and helpless looking at the waters was right after Tsunami. I remember going to the beach next to my house 6 hours after Tsunami. The water had receded by like 500 feet, unlike other places where it consumed land. The water was just boiling in fury. I really thought the ocean was angry. I wonder, how the people living on the ocean front property live in peace when they see such rough seas and wind.

On the way back, we had shave ice -not shaved ice - anyways, both are bad - the shave ice is slightly better than shaved ice if you want me to rate them. We had some awesome garlic shrimp from the famous north shore trucks. We returned the car and was right on time for our flight back home.

I couldn't have asked for a better vacation. It was the right amount of time in each island and we got into the flight just in time when I thought it went so well that I want to return home and treasure the experience. Everything about was perfect - hmmm.. expect for the speeding ticket. Long live the town of Paia with our humble donation.

Long live the beauty of the land and sea and sky. I hope we do not destroy Hawaii and our planet for our kids and their kids and their kids. Thanks to Hawaii for motivating me to write in my blog. It took me one year to name my blog and 6 months to write anything in it - and a paradise on earth to write something meaningful in it.